He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize