I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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