im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
