he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
