walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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