I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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