so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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