There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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