i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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