I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
