I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize