You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
