Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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