I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
