I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You can't just leave with hair like that
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
