i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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