my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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