I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Are we still banned from the library?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
