She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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