i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
