the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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