nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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