Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I forget how to act sober
Randomize