best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I need to align my fucking chakras
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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