she looked like the before picture.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
