yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
