Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
