peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize