I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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