woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
