Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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