I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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