office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
