Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
