his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
