We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
