I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
