i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
