you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
