THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
