I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
