Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
