I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
