The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
