If i could tip my vagina, i would.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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