I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
