just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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