tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
