cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
