Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
