I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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