You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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