508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize