The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
