her vagine was all disorganized.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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