OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
