tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
