You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think your dad took our porno
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
