God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
tell me about the eggs
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
