I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
