I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
