Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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