Will you blow on my dice?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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