hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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