im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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