I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
