I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
What did we do last night that was yellow?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
