Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize