I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
